I'm drive I can fine osifer
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
