it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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