my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
