at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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