His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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