laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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