you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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