Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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