Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
