meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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