Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
