my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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