Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
