I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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