i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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