420 ftw
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Found your dick twin last night
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
where are my eyebrows?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
