Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(620): View more from Kansas

my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"

(785): View more from Kansas

you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?

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(760): View more from California

Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.

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(212): View more from New York

so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before

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(626): View more from California

dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.

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(360): View more from Washington

Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.

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(785): View more from Kansas

Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now

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(703): View more from Virginia

If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?

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(613): View more from Ontario

I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?

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(407): View more from Florida

She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case

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