did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
