just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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