Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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