btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
