Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
