Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
