Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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