Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
