even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
