It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize