I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
