It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Can you repeat that, but with context?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
