Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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