I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
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