i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
