WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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