I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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