a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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