I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
