If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
