Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
