I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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