I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
