we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
