I wish I could teleport
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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