im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Randomize
