I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We just shotgunned beers for America
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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