Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize