we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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