...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
