I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
