Your mouth is God's brothel.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
