that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
this boner is exhausting
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
