remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
