I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Randomize
