I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize