I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
