New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I will be naked everywhere
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
