It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I've blown a few things in my day
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize
