Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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