You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
If I die, sorry about rent.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
