Don't you send me to vm
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
