I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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