I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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