My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
