So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
